July 07, 2002 - 7:33 a.m.

Here I am in Baton Rouge: Day 4.

The house David rented is beautiful. I hear birds chirping in the morning instead of loud rap music from the punks waiting for their daily crack fix.

In every store or restaurant people are polite. Within a bike ride there are several cool stores and bars.

I hate it here. It was even worse when John visited and had to leave last night. In New Orleans, we saw each other everyday.

I'm constantly trying not to cry, flip out or have a panic attack. David and I fought at the airport and I'm trying so hard to be calm.

I have to find a purpose in this life or I'll wither away. I drink all day and do coke whenever I have it.

Next week I'll be on a medication that a rash may mean death. I'm making objects for Barry's Gallery. Maybe that will help. I love doing them. Even if they don't sell, It is fun.

I just wish I had the courage to pursue agents again.

Meanwhile...