2001-12-17 - 10:51 p.m.

My back is aching, I'm tired, and dissatisfied. I expected to make much more money than I did on Ebay for Xmas. I've been overworked with less help and I'm tired. I'm tired of working for nothing, I'm tired of being afraid to write, I'm tired of being me. I'm a disgrace. I won't even step on the scale to see how much weight I've gained in the last year. I don't go out of the house alone. Many of my friends have moved out of town and soon we'll be moving out of town. I no longer have a career or even an idea of one. I'm not sure what threshold it is that I need to step over to begin gaining my confidence again. I can't see it and I'm afraid I never will.

My mother isn't being a Mom. But, then again, I'm tired of hearing myself talk about my problems. So, others must to. Sometimes I just lay on the floor and can't move. Luckily, I have dogs who are very noisy to nudge me back into existence when they want attending to.

Yuck! This entry sucks! I'm going to bed!

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