2002-01-16 - 10:25 p.m.

Barry and I had lunch today. He is the only person I can discuss writing with, and I miss him when he's not here. I have to get back to writing. This diary is a good start.

Barry and I also talked about how odd it is to be our ages. I know David has struggled with this himself. We are still young, but we look to the future very differently than we had. We weigh actions with consequences and try to envision our lives near the end of the road. Someone on television - I don't know who or what - said that it would be a terrible thing at the moment before death and think "I blew the whole thing."

I need out of this depression to work on my life. I keep thinking that I can just will myself out of it. It should be so simple. But, then I will stutter in a response, or sit weeping in the shower. If I could only be productive in this time, I wouldn't feel it was a waste.

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