The
Virginity
Bias
This
is one of my
pet peeves:
the
virginity
bias. Even
now, in the
21st
century,
young girls
all over
America are
being told
that it is a
virtue
to save
one's
virginity.
Whether or
not you
believe
that, here
is the
problem:
this is told
to boys. You
hear it from
the pulpits,
talk shows,
movies and
advice
columns.
When kids
are told:
"save
yourself for
marriage"
and
"sex is
if you save
it for the
one you
love"
is directed
99.9% of the
time to
girls. Let's
flip the
script for a
moment.
Pretend
there is a
group of
young boys
(between 13
and 17) on a
talk
show.
Host:
Why are you
having sex
at such a
young age?
Boy1:
Because it's
fun.
Host:
Why are you REALLY
having sex?
Boy2:
I dunno. It
feels good.
Host:
Why is your
self esteem
so low that
you feel you
need to give
yourself
away to
girls.
Boy1:
There's
nothing
wrong with
my self
esteem.
We're just
having fun.
Father1:
Boo hoo! Do
you see? Do
you see what
I have to go
through?
Host:
Let's bring
in our child
psychiatrist,
Dr. Doctor
to explain
what is
going
on.
Dr.
Doctor:
You see,
Host, in all
of these
situations,
the mothers
are not
around.
These young
boys are
trying to
substitute
the loss and
stability if
a missing
mother with
sex. Where
are the
mothers now?
Father2:
She left a
long time
ago. She
never
contacts us,
she never
pays child
support. Boo
hoo!
Dr.
Doctor:
What these
young lads
need is to
follow a
strict abstinence
program and
a few months
in boot
camp.
Father1
(grabs
son): I love
you!
Bull
shit!
Our
society
perpetuates
the
"boys
will
be
boys"
myth.
The
origins
of
this
bias
probably
has
to
do
with
pregnancies
and
the
problems
for
the
girl
and
her
family.
You
can't
always
tell
who
the
father
is,
but
you
always
know
who
the
mother
is.
Therefore,
sex
for
girls
was
stigmatized.
In a
time
when
rights
for
women
are
almost
equally
men,
why
the disparity?
Men
are
afraid
of
women's
sexuality.
And,
in
turn,
convey
that
the
fear
should
be
women's
fear
as
well.
Just
imagine
how
a
man
might
feel
if
his
girlfriend
had
more
sexual
partners
than
he?
Or
more
experiences?
To
men,
this
is
emasculating.
Yet,
they
want
women
to
be
sexy
and
alluring
-
perpetuating
the
Madonna/whore
image
women
are
supposed
to
straddle.
Here
is
my
view.
Now
that
pregnancies
and
STDs
are
preventable,
if
someone
is
mature
enough
to
have
safe
sex
(and
deal
with
the
consequences
of
its
possible
failures)
and
mature
enough
to
deal
with
a
relationship,
have
sex
if
you
want.
Here
are
my
parameters:
-
have
safe
sex
-
get
check
ups
-
be
honest
about
STDs
-
don't
let
someone
talk
you
in
or
out
of
anything
-
if
you
are
forced
upon,
it
is
not
a
date,
it
is
rape.
notify
authorities
-
don't
tell
someone
you
love
them
if
you
don't
And
that's
it.
Sex
is a
varied,
like
all
shared
experiences.
It
can
be:
fun,
sad,
fulfilling,
regrettable,
enjoyable,
boring,
etc.
And
with
someone
you
love,
it
is a
wickedly
pleasurable
time!
Don't
be
pressured
one
way
or
another.
Do
what
is
right
for
you.
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