2002-01-13 - 11:16 p.m.

Let's say that you have been estranged from a friend for over 2 years. An event or belief has caused this rift. It's no one person's fault. It was just a difference of values and ethics. A chance meeting in a grocery store with a friend has culminated into a meeting with her and 2 others. Issues were skirted, subjects were avoided. Catching up on events were the main topics. Drinks were drunk, snacks were eaten and then it was time to go. Everyone left.

Fine. I'm not interested in having a superficial relationship with anyone right now. Or, "get to know her better" so then we can talk about the issue. What if we never talk about the issue? Our new friendship will be based on innuendos and clues? Or worse, on nothing at all.

It is too much drama for me. I don't want to have relationships where topics are changed because they are uncomfortable. Or, hope things turn out for the best. Yes, she is fun and interesting and smart. Yes, I miss the times when we would share stories and discuss writing and our futures. But, that doesn't mean I am going to pretend nothing happened to have that back - or wait for an "opportune time" to discuss it. As I have gotten older, I have pared my relationships away to the ones who I care about and are honest (except of course my family, which I should have never gotten back involved with). It is unfortunate that my opinion is different from the two men I love. Perhaps they see me as being difficult. I am just trying to preserve my health and sanity, which sometimes feel very precarious.


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