2002-01-02 - 9:26 p.m.

A decision has been imposed upon me. Now, everyone expects ME to deal with it. No one cares that it makes my depression worse, that I'm going to be taken from the security of my friends and home to be alone. I feel like a child. Decisions are made. They are told to me. I have to comply. I am "bribed" with half convincing: "it will be okay" and "we will make it work". These phrases are like day old coffee - neither appealing or satisfying. How can I look forward to "it will be okay" for the next 4 years of my life? But, that is what is expected of me. Even my therapist wants to spend sessions helping me "deal with it." "Stop crying," is what my mother says. Everyone gets upset because the deal is done. There is nothing I can do about it. I know I'm kicking my heels in the dirt and screaming like a child. As a child, you knew you couldn't change your parents' decision. You just wanted to make it a little worse for them, even if they will make it worse for you later.