2002-02-09 - 6:00 a.m.

I have never seen John so depressed and for so long. I know he deals with his depression differently than I do. He wants to hole up in his apartment and hide under the covers. I want him and David to be close to me so I can cry and hug them. I know John loves me. But, how can you not take it personally when someone is repulsed by your touch?

This has got to end soon. It's spiraling me back into my own depths of sadness.


Update: I wasn't accurate when I wrote repulsed. He just doesn't feel sexual. Neither do I on these meds. But, I had to let him know that I thought that we could still be intimate and not be sexual. It's something that we both have to work on. Changing meds will most likely help.


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