2001-11-25 - 10:31 p.m.

I failed. The Heroin Octopus won. I tried my best to see through its tricks and lies. But, it sounded too much like my brother.

We had to leave Phoenix to take a bus to Flagstaff in order to take the train to Ct. The octopus put so many obstacles in my way, we never made it out of Phoenix. Money had been stolen, a drivers license was missing, misdirections were given, we missed 2 buses, were desperate, hungry, lost and confused. The octopus made my brother hurl insults at me the entire time and scream at me about how I hated him. By the 3rd day, I couldn't take it anymore. I told my brother that I couldn't spend 3 days on a train with him in an enclosed space. I left.

The octopus settled comfortably back into its old life.

I failed. My brother failed. Now that I have looked back on it, how could I have thought I could overpower this 8 armed monster? I haven't seen it up close in 5 years. The monster grew. I have been ashamed that I could not help him.

My mother is going out this week to try to battle. Her defense is throwing money at it. Neither of our strategies have worked.

It is very sad.