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March 12, 2002 - 8:46 a.m.
Self
Medication Tip #1
Anyway,
if you find yourself
in this position, I
recommend cocaine
bubble gum. Get two
pieces of heavy-duty
bubble gum (ex.
Bazooka) and chew it
until it gets
slightly soft. You
will need some of
that sugar to get
the cocaine down.
Take the piece out
of your mouth and
fold a line or two
of cocaine inside.
Chew away! Add more
cocaine as needed.
You may need to
change out the gum
periodically for
sugar content. By
the end of this
week, your mouth
will be screaming:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
The jaw hurts! No
more!" By then,
your nose should
have healed up
enough to return to
regular
administration.
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If
you are currently
self-medicating
because your
psychiatrist is a
twit, here is a
simple tip that has
helped me. If one of
your medications of
choice is cocaine,
by the end of the
week, your nose will
be screaming: "AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
I've been scraped
thin! It hurts. No
more!"
Meanwhile, your
brain is saying
"Shut up! You
don't know what's
good for you!"
Of
course, your nose
may retort that your
mind is sick, that's
why you need the
cocaine, so why
should it listen?
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