New Jokes & Tricks from my Brain!

Normally, my brain is very talkative to me. It will say things like: "you are worthless," "that was a stupid thing to do," "look at all of that weight you gained, fatty!" Yesterday, it came up with just a mantra: "I hate you ... I hate you ... I hate you ... I hate you ... I hate you ... I hate you ... I hate you ... I hate you ... I hate you ..." and it wouldn't stop. So, I fought against it with klonopin, marijuana and cocaine. That combination makes the bad thoughts go away. This concoction must be administered every 1/2 hour. The brain gets meaner as the day progresses, so I have to measure out my cocaine in the morning in three different packets - getting progressively more throughout the day. After tomorrow, I run out of cocaine and money. Monday we meet with my new psychiatrist (6th in my life). Believing that he will have the magic elixir is like believing that there is a cocaine fairy. What would make him any different from any other psych I've seen before? I am afraid of being in pain again. I am afraid of feeling suicidal again. I have to devise a new plan against my brain.